It’s a classic scene: I walk into the break room at work, overhear a couple of hens mid conversation, and thank all creation I’m not like them. It just drives me crazy how stupid, ignorant, and close minded they are. Today’s topics of conversation were the slut with whom the ex-Governor of NY was cheating with and what a gold digging bitch Heather Mills is.
One of the more enthusiastic hens is a professed Catholic who is not afraid to let everyone know what she thinks of them. Another plays the passive-aggressive Southern Belle so well sometimes I forget she is a real person.
I have a feeling neither of these women likes me all that much. Ms. Southern Belle has had a cellphone permanently attached to her ear for as long as I’ve known her. She is constantly talking to people while she’s in the break room, in the hallway, and even when she’s in the bathroom. Constantly. Non-stop. I know more about her than some of the people I’ve lived with. One day I walked into the break room when it was just her and I in there, and like usual she had a cellphone up to her ear. I heard her say, “Good afternoon.” I went about my business sitting dow at an empty table and reading about how to be a better person when she huffs and says, “Well I was talking to you.” I looked up, and cripes she was talking to me. I was so stunned I didn’t say anything back. She doesn’t talk to me anymore but I can’t say I’ve even noticed. As for the Catholic hen, she’s never done anything to me personally, other than annoy me by doing a mean impression of a mentally handicapped person. I’ve heard other coworkers talk about how she’s snapped at them and denounced gay people.
I don’t read or watch the news. I enjoy being out of the loop. For my job I know everything there is to know about what movies are in production four years from now and who’s sleeping with who, but I only learned of NY’s governor having a call girl from a client at work asking if we in CA heard about their Governor yet. She explained about his infidelities, and I explained that most of our members are criminals so if NY’s Gov. wants to get into entertainment, no one would bat an eyelash.
The Hens were first aghast at what a woman could be doing to a man that she would charge $5000-$7000 an hour. It took great willpower not to say, “I’m gonna guess it’s what you won’t do to your husbands.” And I’ve probably seen it done on “Oz”. I also wanted to add with my specialized training and above average skill set in the sexual arts, I would think $5000 an hour was reasonable to charge. The Hens just kept going back and forth with one saying how they couldn’t believe it while the other said, “I know!” Of course they couldn’t believe it, they aren’t worth $5000.
“Oh but you know who really shouldn’t be getting any money, Heather Mills. That gold digging bitch shouldn’t get any of his money. She didn’t help make him a star. So what if she has a kid with him. That was her way of getting more money from Paul.” Now, I’ve always had a feeling my own mother only had four children for the free slave labor it provided. If it wouldn’t be for the audible evidence every Sunday morning of how much my parents are still in love that theory would be proven. Although, I honestly can’t say I wouldn’t have one of Paul McCartney’s kids if it meant I’d get $48 million, so I can’t disprove the bit about the child being a trap. Being as old fashioned as I am though, I still believe people only have children because they are in love. And the best evidence my coworkers are idiots is that absolutely no one worth $800 million would get married without a pre-nup if they weren’t in love and planned to stay together forever. Divorce judges don’t think like jealous bitches. They think of how much a woman needs to maintain the lifestyle she became accustomed to while married. Especially is they have baby traps.
It’s hard trying to make myself a better person when I have to listen to very unenlightened people all day. My attitude to almost everything I encounter is either “Who cares?” or “What does it matter if it doesn’t directly effect you?” Maybe I’ll finally reach Zen when I can sit among a room of hens and not notice and not mentally participate in their conversations. Then again sarcasm and smugness does a soul good.
